On my way home from the doctor office today, my mother was being unusually quiet. I knew something was on her mind but I was enjoying the peace and quiet (I can't drive myself when on narcotic pain relievers). Suddenly she breaks her silence with this simple sentence "Shouldn't we be making plans?" Not for sure what she was talking about I said, "I can't answer such a generic question." I looked over at her and could see the wheels spinning. After what seemed like a very very long pause she said, "Your funeral."
I said well what's to plan, I want to be buried in our family plot and have a Catholic Mass that's just about the jist of it. She started in on a list of things saying "I need to know...", Music Tombstone eulogy ect. I told her other than the Mass the funeral is for the living, not the dead and since we are all Catholics a traditional Catholic funeral. The where's, whens and what's should be most convienent to you and the family.
The reason I am telling this is because it completely took by surprise and how many people ever expect to be going down the road and asked that question? It was a bit shocking and at the same time comforting. Mom had seemed to be in denial and now I see she is preparing herself. She said My brother was coming to see me next week as it is his birthday. I was telling her I will glad to see him and his family. She said, he is not bringing his family. I asked her why and she said she didn't know.
So I guess I'll wait and see what is on his mind. Today was definitely one of my weirder days.
You're right, the funeral is for the living. And one of the things they like to hear is the music that meant something to their loved one.
ReplyDeleteFor what it's worth -- When my mother was organizing the funeral for my sister, she asked me what kind of music she (my sister) liked. I told her a few popular, upbeat tunes she listened to a lot, but they were deemed "not really appropriate" for a funeral and went with something more...subdued. But it just didn't feel right, you know? Those weren't her songs.
I'm a regular reader, but rare commenter here...but I'll be praying for you, whatever the issue is.
ReplyDeleteI wish I had better words to express myself about this. If you think I'm out of line just say so.
ReplyDeleteTake pity on the women. She is planning for something that no parent should have to face, the death of their child. I know that your death is deeply personal to you and that you are dealing with your own situation.
I think your mom is just trying to work though it and do something good and honoring for you.
Do you know anyone who is a humorous public speaker?
The best funeral I've ever been to the preacher had some kind words but then he had several stories about the deceased. They were all funny or touching and captured the life of the person being eulogized. The audience left feeling up lifted and good about things. Every time I've seen some variation of this it has been well received.
If you don't know or care what you want for the funeral, planning something along those lines would be good for your family. It takes a little forethought and a bit of work. IF you ask your friends and family for this now and they get started writing stories down it might help them deal with things a bit too.
I've followed you for years on Vox's blog and while I'm saddened to hear this news, I've no doubt you and your family will get all the little niggling details worked out. The most important is knowing that this world will be left behind and a glorious one awaits. Peace to you, Outlaw.
ReplyDeleteWait...what? I just find your blog, and you might be dying???
ReplyDelete